It's only 2:00 pm and it has already been a very long day. I finally had the mini breakdown today that I think I needed to have to help improve the breastfeeding fussiness.
It all started out around the three week mark. Little Man would pop off during nursing sessions and start screaming. At first I thought maybe a growth spurt and my supply just had not had time to catch up yet. The same thing happened with my daughter during a growth spurt, but his fussiness has continued. I mentioned the fussiness in the no dairy post, but I am convinced now that the spit up and fussiness are two separate issues and not necessarily related to only reflux.
Today, five weeks later, the fussiness has increased to almost every feed and is starting to affect naps. My concern is that night sleep could be affected next. Right now he gets up around midnight and 4 am to feed. You are probably thinking, what is wrong with that. Right? I should not be complaining, and I a not complaining, I just do not want to go backwards. Baby Girl was sleeping through the night (asleep at 7:30 pm and awake at 6:30 am) at nine weeks so I have high expectations and I know that we were completely spoiled with her. I am a Baby Whisperer "follower" and so I do believe I can get him to sleep through the night sooner than later, IF we can fix the feeding issue. Sleep is very important to me and I believe that day time feedings affect night time sleep......I digress.
Back to today. The 7 pm feed has been a nightmare for a few weeks now and I totally dread it. Last night was no different. I finally got him to eat a little, but knew he would be up sooner. And he was, at 11 pm, and he fed great, nice and relaxed. The 4 am feed was a little more fussy, but not much. The night feeds usually go much smoother anyway. I have tried every position and hold known, tried every room in the house, nursing while standing, etc. I have been in contact with the lactation consultant and the Le Leche League. I have kept notes on when he is fussier versus not and tried to pay attention to everything I could think of and still, no consistency. It is incredibly stressful not to be able to feed your baby!! I have started to dread every feed.
Today, at the 10 am feed, he ate for about ten minutes and was done. The mid-morning feeds is also when Baby Girl is with us. I have been giving her activities while I feed so she is not climbing on top of us. Today's activity was not working and so I was stressing with her and him all at the same time. I decided to give him a bottle to finish him off so he would stay full and get the calories in that he needed. Of course, he would not take the bottle. I should note here, that during this time, he actually takes a bottle perfectly fine as long as we start out with the bottle. He does not like to switch. This was another frustrating thing for me, why does he take the bottle so well??
So while I am sitting there trying to get him to take the bottle, I just start crying and crying and crying. This would be my mini meltdown. I am coming to terms that I might have to just pump and give him a bottle. At least then I would know how much he is getting and would hopefully get back on track with our three hour EASY schedule (Baby Whisperer). Going to pumping and bottle feeding is a huge deal for me, not only would it be incredibly more time consuming (time away from Baby Girl), but it takes away that bonding time I so enjoy with breastfeeding. I am not saying you cannot bond with your baby if you bottle feed, I am saying that I enjoy breastfeeding better than bottle feeding. I have prayed for patience and wisdom on this situation and I am realizing that it really will be okay if I have to primarily bottle feed and that it does not have to be "my" way.
I called my very dear friend because let's face it, who else is a better therapist than your best friend. (She should probably start charging me.) As I am talking to her about the events of the day and telling her how much I do not understand; I also tell her about the times when Little Man is NOT fussy. He was not fussy at another friend's house last week while I was talking and our toddlers were running around. He is not fussy at night when I am half asleep. My friend said, you need to relax, watch some tv while you nurse and get your mind off of his fussiness. I had not thought of it that way. I knew he probably picked up on my stress, but was not sure what to do about it. I feel guilty if I am not focusing only on him, but that just may be my down fall. I am focusing on him, basically waiting for him to get fussy......what a revelation! I need to relax!
I packed up the kiddos and we went out to lunch. Yes, I have food in the refrigerator and going out today would deplete my fun money for this pay period, but it was SO worth it. I felt completely relaxed and it was a great "break" before putting Baby Girl down for her nap and then feeding Little Man. During the feed, I ready my bible study chapter for my church group meeting this week and he ate relaxed for 25 minutes, with a few burps in between of course. I felt more relaxed than I had been in weeks. I am not saying that all is resolved and I will not have to pump, but I am hopeful that it is a start. I believe I am being taught patience and I repeat to myself Romans 12:12 "Be joyful in hope, patience in affliction and faithful in prayer".
Thanks for listening to my unloading of emotions. Feeding your baby should be relaxing and enjoyable and sometimes you just need the kind words of a friend. Enjoy your day and I am looking forward to the next feeding.
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Scripture/Quote of the Week:
For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7
Who Am I?
Hi! I am Pam. I am so glad you stopped by to take a look at my blog. I am a Christian, wife, stay at home PCOS mom to three amazing kiddos and I'm all about all natural living and eating....realistically.
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