forgetting to Trust

Do your kids trust you to feed them, clothe them and give them shelter? It certainly doesn’t seem as though they always trust us when we are trying to keep them from harm though. It can be quite frustrating. Thankful God is patient when my trust has not always been there. Even though I know it should.

I am coming off of a week without my husband. He was gone from last Saturday until this past Saturday for a work trip. Therefore, I'm much more emotional and still releasing some tension, but still feeling all the same.
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As a Christian, I want to know, what is God's will for me and what is my purpose in this life. I look around and all I can see some days are toy filled floors, stacks of books and papers, an unloaded or loaded dishwasher, the next meal and all those half started projects that had such good intentions (could this blog be one of them - oops.). It's so easy to get bogged down in the trenches. It feels like I’m just going through the motions. Thinking, is this really how it's supposed to be? I feels so mundane. And then I'm turning to sugar and caffeine to "feel better" or "make it through the day" because maybe it was an extra early morning or late night.

We had been traveling quite a bit the last of July and early August and then prepping for the new school year, I was wiped out. I had actually started feeling better, but then a bad day happened and I was questioning again, should I be staying home, should we continue this schooling option, all of those doubts were creeping in all over again. It was incredibly frustrating to have these thoughts and feelings because I know better. I know God loves me and yes he is always there and all the truths about Jesus. But it is one thing to know it and it's another to believe it. I just had not really thought about it that way.

Then one afternoon, I had this very real "aha" moment where I realized I was the one getting down on myself. All of the woe is me mentality was in my head. It felt like I was drowning, when actually I was telling myself I was drowning, therefore I was continuing to sink. In that moment, sitting in the grocery store parking lot listening to "You Say" by Lauren Daigle, it hit me that while in the trenches, I was "loosing my faith" or simply not trusting and actually believing that God has me right where I am because He wants me there. I don’t have to know what those reasons are, I just have to keep going.

My purpose is to show these kids love and to teach them to love others the way Jesus loves us. My purpose is to show them by my actions how to be kind and patient. Show them grace. And when I make mistakes, to apologize and ask for forgiveness.

It is my prayer to remember to look to Jesus in the small moments and lean into that truth.....to trust.