It's Been 12 Weeks and I'm Off Maternity Leave.....Sort of

Little Man was 12 weeks on Monday and if I still had a full time job, I would be off maternity leave this week. For some reason, this is a big deal for me. Maybe because it has really sunk in that I'm not going back to work or maybe because I feel like the excuse of "I have a newborn" does not really count anymore.

I am learning so much about myself through my kids, especially the newest addition. He has my husband's sense of structure and routine, or lack thereof. I always knew I was a planner and organizer, the Type A personality. I feel like you make a plan and then follow through and it should just happen......well not really, I am also a realist, but there should be a starting point, a goal. I think that is why this 12 week mark is a big deal to me in that it would mark the end of something and the start of something else if I was going back to work. My days would become MUCH more structured. I would know I have to have pump parts and diapers washed and ready to go every night for the next day. I would know that I am dropping off the kids at a certain time for me to be at work and then picking them up at a certain time. While I would be at work, I would have scheduled meetings to attend and deadlines and projects to complete, not to mention dedicated time just for those projects.

Staying at home, I have to MAKE my own structure. Projects get completed in short spurts of time. In a sense, this 12 week mark is a signal to me telling myslef, "Ok, it's time to get started...go to work". Work meaning kids activities and being our home manager. But really, it does not have to be that rigid. I do not have to be doing everything perfectly and have the perfect schedule so that laundry, cooking, grocery shopping, naps and activities are seamless. It is a work in progress. Staying at home, so far, has been easier than working. Yes there are challenges, some of which are more difficult than if I was working, but overall I find staying at home much less stressful. Of course I am not where I want to be organization and structure-wise, but we are getting there. In my head, I had an idea of what staying at home would look like when Little Man was 12 weeks and it is not necessarily that picture.....yet. The hard part is that yes, I have to make my own structure, but the easy part is that I don't always have to.

Now, I LOVE staying at home with the kiddos and all that it involves BUT, I also enjoy working. I like having the deadlines and projects. It is just part of my need for structure. That is one of the main reasons I started this blog and hope that it turns into something more someday. I cannot help but think this is all part of God's purpose for me. I feel very passionate about health and nutrition (and fertility issues). These topics weigh heavy on my heart. Maybe it is selfish, but I do not want to be defined as only a stay at home mom. I love my kids and love that I am home with them, but I believe there is more to my purpose than that. That is why this 12 week mark has been a turning point for me. I am excited and feel like my journey is really beginning. I cannot wait to share more with you.