Where is your Trust?

Here we go again, trust issues seem to creep up when you least expect them. At least they do for me. It can be quite unsettling to have the realization that all those unresolved feelings are really an issue with trust. And for me, it’s been my trust in God. As I look back at previous posts, apparently this isn’t new for me.

It’s February and like the last several January/Februarys, I get really down. I had taken proactive steps in December and was not feeling too bad but this weather is starting to take its toll. Our sunny days have been few and far between. But it’s actually more than just feeling down this time.

When my irrational, moody self came out these last two weeks, I justified it. Thinking, I’m tired and just need a break. Our weekends have been crazy and all I need is a break. There also might be some hormone influences as well, if you know what I mean.

That fight I had with my husband this weekend though, definitely left me thinking, something is different. I had been seeing scriptures and quotes recently about praying bigger, being honest with God.

So Sunday night when I finally cracked open that study guide (that for some reason I had been avoiding?), and read the words “The salvation he offers means depending wholly on Him instead of on what we’ve come to trust for safety— financial or otherwise.” The Gospel of Mark by Francis Chan. Wow!! What a gut punch!

Why had I been avoiding that study for so long? I always feel better when I get back into the Bible and let scripture speak. And I know better.

But the enemy just has this way of knowing. Knowing when we are almost empty and taking advantage.

I prayed that night and prayed more the next morning. These feelings of distrust just kept coming and the tears continued to flow. I love God with all my heart and cannot imagine life without knowing Him, but somehow I had gotten myself into a place of distrust.

By not trusting God, I was starting to not trust my husband, not trust my abilities to take care of our household, not trust our schooling decisions and the list could go on. I know I have control issues but I never realized how easily that would turn into not trusting God.

While in prayer, I asked where this distrust is coming from. The truth is, I am attempting to protect my heart. The more I control and not trust others, the more I can see what might be coming and not get blindsided. This stems from some past baggage and I can clearly see how I could feel this way.

The day was emotionally draining and I was wiped out, but my heart felt full and I am thankful for a God that is so gracious with us. He takes the time to gently show us. It isn’t always pretty and easy, but then the lesson probably wouldn’t stick as much then either if it was easy.

My trust is in Jesus. My trust is knowing my identity is in Him and not my failures.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

These words mean so much more when applied to the smallest details of our lives, not only the large, grand things. Check out Francis Chan's study on The Gospel of Mark. I have enjoyed the days I've gotten to so far.